My Heart

Sometimes I don't understand the strength of our hearts. The fact that someone we love can truly hurt us.

I won't say that I've never broken hearts, but for 3 years I've lived knowing of what my actions has done. It’s not always easy to let someone in to your heart.

I use to find it hard to love anyone; I didn't know what love truly was. The kind of love that changes a person.

To stop yourself from second-guessing and just give over completely, that's when I first fell in love. It was scary I didn't know if it was right are wrong to what I was feeling inside my heart.

To think I was the girl who never believed I was able to love, to believe that love was out there. It didn't even come with a price; it was freely given to me.

That was the very first time I felt alive, that my lonely heart was set free, the walls I've build was torn apart and I've let love in.

"Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction ice is also great.."

Then I fell in love, I can still remember those first flutters, everything about me seems different, my face, my eyes, my walk, everything I've never been that happy ever in my life. But to fall in love twice with two different kind of individuals each one of them brought something out of me.

I soaring on love, my heart was opened, it felt alive. I was happy they were happy.

But love when it’s betrayed there's always a price to pay.  A price we can only pay with our hearts. The hurt to know you've had it all and you threw it away you toss it aside like it meant nothing.

Celine Dion sings that love doesn't ask why. It comes from the heart and never explains.

When the eyes of my heart saw the other person it didn't want to restrict the feelings that I've slowly developed over time.

In my life I've had two great loves. Two love stories, two hearts but in it all three hearts got broken in one night everything changed.

“I'm going to fight for you, until your heart stops beating.”

If I just took the chance to fight a little harder for my one true love.

“You need to hear the truth Bella, understand all your options. And you need to know... that I'm in love with you. And I want you to pick me instead of him.”

I remember fighting for the one. Telling her how I felt, that I've open the eyes too my heart it was her, it was always her... Then she picked the one she didn't even love. I turned around as tears were streaming down my face. Not even too far as I just fell to my knees. Covering my face with both hands as tears came stronger and harder at that moment I thought am I too late yet again. Was I that blind to even think she's my soul mate?

I just couldn't understand why she didn't choose me, why she couldn't love me. I thought she loved me I truly did. Until today I know she does she's just scared to admit what she feels. Instead she goes on with the notion and acts like she's happy with her choice.

“I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would be as easy as breathing with me.”

It won't be easy life with me, wouldn't be easy because we all are different how we deal with our emotions the intensity of everything. All I know life with me would be like a novel kind of love. The lover’s quarrels, the make-ups, the dates, the time spend together. I'll treat you like you the only person that exist. You'll have all of me nothing less, nothing more. I'll love you for as long as there is breath in me.

 “It's not a chick thing. It's a... 'Triangle’ thing.”

I want you to need me, to feel me. I want you to see me in your every dream. I want you to need me, like I need you.

“But you can love more than one person at a time. I've seen it, with Sam, Emily and Leah."

Even Jacob knew this, that anyone can love more than one person. In my life I've loved two.

 "But I'll always be waiting." (Bella says till my heart stops beating) "Maybe even then."

I'll wait forever for you. Always and forever its promise I've made to you.  I've risked a lot in this life. I've come close to death not once but twice.

There’s a purpose I'm here still.

You've imprinted not just on my heart, but also on my soul. Something happened between us that I can't ever forget about.

I've had heartaches over the years, but this, this was a different kind of heartache this was my soul crying because you've disconnected the bond we've had, the love we've shared the memories all those things that made me fall for you. The real kind of love.

Sometimes I have to really take deep breaths to know I'm all alone in this world. That the love I've once had is gone never to return.

It’s sometimes easy to block yourself from feeling all those emotions. If only I was normal, if only I didn't feel so much for them, maybe then I'd be okay. Maybe then they would be okay to move on with someone that truly would love them how I never could.

With me always running away from what my heart wants. Don't ever run from true love. You will regret the running, but you will never truly move on with your heart. Yes I'll date others, but never this deep, never letting my heart be open up to give love to another.

Just living day to day with knowing at least you won't be alone.

"It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it’s not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother"

I wish I knew where my happy ending would end. Even though I knew how it started and how it came to an abrupt end for a few years. What does once heart really truly honestly patiently desire out of life. Whether I'll have my happy ending or just a fraction of my one true love.