Fiona Tanzer
The author of Tollyported:Two Spins of a Quantum Yarn
& Col's Phantasm Speaks
....her thoughts & review on "Redemption"
And so to your manuscript.
First off, you express yourself in writing very well indeed. A
lot of your writing is lyrical and your conversations between the characters have
realism. I also like the device of going back and forth with the story and
amplifying it each time. It is overall a very strong story emotionally. For
this reason, I believe you should take it further.
Secondly – I realise that this is what you wrote in the
hectic time that is Nanowrimo and that it is therefore just a first draft.
Because of that there are some grammatical errors (though some of them should
be left in as they express the character of the people in the story – a sensitive
editor would know what to correct and what to leave as it is.)
My main area of difficulty is sometimes adjusting quickly to the
changes in voice – who is relating the story at any one point – and
I was not always sure exactly when it was Alicia in the main story and when it
was her book that was being related (unless the names were there). Also, while
I appreciate that you intend the entire story to be told over three books and
that this is only a first draft and possibly incomplete due to having been
writing for Nanowrimo, I think that for each book in a trilogy the story must
come to its own completion that allows the once off reader to feel they have
read a strong natural ending but which when they see the next book they
are already lured into reading the next book to see what happens further.
Having said this – I am well aware that what you have written is only the
first draft (but as I said above – it is written strongly).
Ongoing, I would like to suggest that if you have not already
got it, you buy the book “The Modern Library Writer’s Workshop: A
Guide to the Craft of Fiction” by Stephen Koch. If it is not in
Exclusives, you can ask them to order it for you. I recommend this book because
it not only deals with the craft – but also with the psychological
process of writing, which I think you would find interesting. Koch also deals
with how and what to do with different drafts. You have a very powerful
first draft and I think that this book will guide you well with the second
draft. After you have refined the story with a third draft, I would suggest you
submit it to an agent or to a publisher. You can always ask a professional
editor to look over it for editing beforehand as a check. From what I read,
Nanowrimo”s Office of Letters and Light is moving into the area of
helping their Wrimos to refine their drafts and I am sure that they can also
offer editorial help or direct you to where you can source this. But get Koch’s
book first – it is so clear how much he appreciates and encourages a
writer’s love of writing.
As to publication – when you feel ready to publish, I
would strongly recommend that you contact one of the publishers that
specifically deal with women’s writing – Kwela and Virago Press
spring to mind.
Well – that’s my commentary. I was most impressed by
your draft and the quality of your writing. Keep on going! Your writing should
be published! Get re-drafting!
Kind Regards,
Fiona
Thank you Fiona for this in depth review....
Gert Diedericks
The author of Poems that Fuel Thoughts
....his thoughts & review on "Redemption"
One could maybe give a description of the institution in order for the reader
to create more graphical sense of the surroundings Alicia Woods had found herself in.
There is cohesion in the story from chapter to chapter albeit at times its jumps a few thoughts
into the next where some readers may lost what they would thought they follow.
Its not a problem for me as i do understand the train of
thought that fueled you into writing such a journey into such character,
you portrayed.
Will read again when i fly back home.
In short: I do believe that this story will keep most readers captive towards finding out
what happened to her, the choices she made and all the hidden gems that are sown
within her life of uncovering her own past, from which she once fled yet now more in search of;
the truth within it all.
Thank you once again for honouring me in being able to read this
"sneak preview"
Thank you Gert for taking time to read my manuscript....
I thought this time I will allow people to read my book before I approach publishers to make sure I send of a nice detailed and crafted manuscript without a few errors...
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© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved
2013
