New Possibilities

The old dreams are gone and forgotten,

I am out in this world recreating a new dream.

If only I knew I could do whatever I wanted too.

Opening up my heart to new things,

The old life seemed so comfortable

Always knew you were there no matter

What obstacles I’ll face in this life.

Sometimes we tend to not follow our hearts.

I didn’t understand that anything could

Happen once you take a chance.

Risking more than you hoped to lose.

Like moving to a new city with no family,

A new career without having any fears.

I never believed in the possibilities,

I never opened my heart to the possibility

Of trying something new.

Starting to embrace myself to the newness

Of a new life without you.

Never felt this way without you,

The fact that my life starts now,

This could be it.

This is the start of my new world,

My new dreams of living a happy life.

The SELF

The brutality of the SELF,
I am scared of dealing with MYSELF,
Dealing with my own INNER PAIN.
I can no longer shut it out;
the universe isn't making it any easier
for me to stop from dealing with it.
HIS in charge of this journey,
He's removed them all from my LIFE.
The SELF love,
Becoming One with my self.
God you're in charge,
If I didn't believe in YOU,
I wouldn't have heard the words,
"OPEN YOUR EYES"
I am left with just ME?
Being by myself is something frightening.
GOD you said I shouldn't be frightened.
That you will be with me.
You want me to show more kindness
to myself.
That TODAY I become my own
Best friend I concentrate on ME.
I respect MYSELF, Love and be kind to myself.
Thank you GOD for allowing,
these great prophets to open my eyes.
My weary heart that's been rejected
So many times as well,
You bring me into  a world,
Where people crave off my emotions,
Sending me off to run away
From being with MYSELF.
I can not allow anyone to make
me feel less of a person,
that I should create happiness
For MYSELF.
My acceptance of myself,
my low self esteem will be GONE.
With loving MYSELF more,
And knowing God’s unconditional
Love reassures me that I won't
Be in this LIFE in pain,
But I'll be in  a place
Of love,peace,serenity and kindness,
Generosity, strength, blessings.
Acceptance of the SELF.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.

Circle of life

Life is about the circle
Like a seed being planted and it grows into a tree
And that tree starts to bare fruit,
So it goes on, the circle of life.
Just like when we are born on this earth,
From birth to feeling the first sun light
On our skins, we start to open our eyes
To view the world like a baby blinking our eyes
Once we get out of the womb.
There’s more to see than ever can be seen.
More to do, than what could be done,
There’s a lot to take in here, so much more.
There’s more to find than what to be found.
It’s the circle of life, it moves us all.
Through despair comes hope,
Through faith comes love,
Until we one day find our place on the path unwinding.
We think about building a life for us finding
A suitable partner and settling down
Life is about the circle
Life is movable it’s constantly evolving
It’s hard to keep from stop trying to overcome life.
To be apart of life you must be able to want to live,
To want love you must be able to give up what’s holding you back.
When you think all hope is gone, keep on believing
You must find a way to want to be happy.
When people walk away from you never prevail.
We create our own destinies we have the power within us.
Our lives might not always go according the plans we want.
The circle of live is ever evolving
As we grow older we become wiser in wisdom
What we want in life?
What do you want out of life?
What will you and I be.
But if you are going to hold onto what keeps you back
The circle will never complete.

"The Definition of Love"

We all have different views
On what love truly defines
This is what I think
It means that you care
Enough to fight for someone
And I love you enough
not to let you go!
Unless you don't share this
 unconditional love for me.
I will love you enough
To let you go and
I'll go find happiness somewhere
Else where it is returned.
 You should also know this
I love myself enough to
Be with someone else who
Can love me unconditionally just
The way I love you.



Leo of I Rhyme Without Reason gave me a challenge , "I want you to write a free verse poem with no more than Five words to a line."

Remember

Remember

I remember how you loved me

With fears and insecurities you have enveloped me

Touched my face and I have become solid,

The first touch of your lips on mine

Was like firing exploding mine,

You took my breathe away

This poem it might sound cliche,

How something good went so easily shattering.

It’s like every memory is stored within,

Lifting me off the ground as I hear your words,

Becoming ugly towards me,

I remember how it used to be.

Two people happy and cheerful,

Couldn’t stop starring in each others' eyes.

How things have changed in such a short while.

Couldn’t wait to hear your voice over the phone,

Couldn’t bare to wait another minute longer to receive

A reply back from you.

Each day I use to wake up happy knowing I’ll be talking to you.

How did we end up being these two people?

Who have become strangers in such a short period of time?

Our late night chats, our on going flirting.

I remember who we once were, but we aren’t those people

Anymore that happy couple who always were each others pillars.

I remember and I will never forget how you loved me.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.

Forever

A day at the beach with you is like being in heaven

The ocean is my place away from the chaotic world,
But the day I decided to share it with you my one and only.
I love you so much that my heart explodes
Of the passion that still fills my heart.
Let me take your hand as you get up from the sand.
You are beautiful like an angel that was send from above.
Days and nights I have walked upon the beach as tears
Would role down my cheeks, my brown eyes became puffy
Of redness as I could understand why my heart was feeling
So empty inside, it was until I let go of you hand
And watch you walk on those same beach bare feet with another.
It didn’t take you long enough to come back to my open arms
Waiting for you patiently as I fall in love with you all over again.
This scenery, the blue skies above us symbolizes heaven,
The water as crystals waves’ crash against each other is life,
The living waters that God has given us,
The white sand as our toes gets covered by them is a memory,
As our footprints is printed in the sand forever more.
You my love is my forever no distance can break us apart.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.

Angel’s Cry~ Personal Devotion

8 May 2012

Sometimes in life things can go barren, we lose ourselves to the world. We like little minions that were created by the flesh.  A life without any thoughts of any remorse, we hurt, we betray, we deny each other. We want to win over our peers and we would do just about anything to reach that goal.

I use to be one of those people who chased after the things of this world. I had it all I felt on top of this world, nothing and no one could ever take me off that high I was. In that time I was hurting people who loved me, I took people for granted. I thought nothing of the next person because I saw myself above them. I am not the only one I have seen a few others doing the same mistake, but I learn.

I learn the hardest way what I was doing to the people who I did love. I did love them. My love for them wanted to be in charge, in control. I didn’t want them to see my scars, my fears, the things that I was hiding.

All the demons that I had to overcome.

I lost everything, I lost the love of my life, my soul mate everything that was dear to my heart my best friend.

Losing everything, I also lost myself in the meantime.

When your world gets taken away from you. Having all those people. The relationships the once that didn’t mean so much to me, became just a way for me to not deal with the actual issues that arise at the time.

Losing everything I learnt you can always gain something better. It wasn’t an easy process. Certain things in life get taken away from us then we wonder, but why. If I questioned God on all the things that have happened, especially with my friend who lost her son a few months ago? Perhaps her grief is different then mine, but isn’t all grief in some way the same. My grief lasted ten years and hers is still fresh. I wish I can take away her pain, the sadness that is whirling inside of her.

In this life as hard as it gets at times we just got to hold onto God. We need him to survive this race humans are set on.

The minions that was placed on this earth to dement our souls. They suck our emotions in gather all the information about us and set out to attack. I use to be avenging whoever hurt me I had to fight back. That was who I was it was how I learnt to defend myself, I became someone that isn’t the real me, but who says that wasn’t me I mean anger eats at the core of your soul. All I wanted when I was like that was to have someone hold me and tell me I am loved. I wanted to be loved by my parents, but they couldn’t always supply my needs. As I grew up I fallen into a life of alcohol did all kinds of things, but did I learn from that life.

Oh yes I did. While I lost everything and became ill I wandered for days, weeks, months inside my house not a friend came by. Nobody but one person came to my need. She was always the one that would come and look to see if I am doing alright. I treasure her friendship, even my cousin’s girlfriend she became my spiritual sister. I could open up to someone besides my therapist at the time. I needed them and God has heard my prayers. God released me off all those demons that were inside of me. I was ill for over two years my body just failed on me, I felt like Job when he was attacked by Satan and all around him tells him why you praise a God that doesn’t care about your well being. “The night drags on, and I toss till dawn… My days are swifter, than a weaver’s shuttle flying back and forth. They end without hope…I will never again experience pleasure.”

I lost hope in myself; I thought no good can come off this. I wanted to die; suicide was all I could think about. I even heard the devil telling me you’ve lost everything, nobody loves you.

So deep in my depression I was lost in an underground world filled with dark alleys. I could see all the people I love being happy laughing at my failure.

I failed myself I didn’t know God could get me out of where I was. I didn’t want to believe at that time that this too shall past. When you lost alone and grieving on your own nobody, but your own negative thoughts flowing through your mind. Nobody could done for me, nobody could have said, “This isn’t going to last, that pain your feeling that is life, that is to show you that there is pain in this world and it depends on how we deal with that pain.

I was a sinking ship, I tumbled over I gave into the flesh that was breaking me down from the inside. You know I was in pain and I could feel it, but look how Satan works he makes me believe I was going insane at one point. Job he lost everything, his kids, his wealth, his health everything.

He had sores on his body, he was un aching pain. You can’t ever feel his pain if you never experience it, I was under an attack. My soul was up for the prize that’s going to win this battle, the flesh, Satan or am I going to rise above it all overcome it and accept God as my savior.

Job’s wife she advised her husband to curse God and die. But Job’s suffering led him to God’s grace. He prayed: “I had heard about you before, but now I’ve seen you with my own two eyes, I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”

Job chose to live through the suffering and learn God’s lesson for him.

While I was dealing with my own suffering between 2010 & 2011 it was the darkest times of my life.

I was a Christian since 2008, but you see I had to be learn a lesson and this was the most powerful lesson I had to face.

For the remaining of my suffering I did it all on my own. I didn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t attend church. I stopped believing in myself and that I was a good person. I start to ask myself out loud, what does it mean to be a good person yet you fall into all the bad luck that is coming my way. First life was good I was happy had a great life or so I always thought. But deep down in my soul I wasn’t completely happy in this life. I wanted to die I even asked to die. I was that person lost in her own pain. I didn’t want people to know what I was going through, I didn’t want anyone’s pity, I also didn’t want to pity myself, I fall so deep into my depression, my aching body stopped working as I could barely get out of bed, I couldn’t walk for awhile since my muscles was hurting so much that all I wanted to do is sleep and never to get up.

This life can pull over you; you can lose your way. I am not perfect. I cried each night tears were never dried up. I was so lost that it felt like God has even neglected me. I prayed in those nights, Satan wanted me in his corner, but I push through. I wasn’t going to let him use my past, my mistakes to win this battle. I tell you it’s the worst kind of pain to be going through. I wanted to heal. “God heal me.” I cried. Seeing my mother’s pain she didn’t know what was happening, I couldn’t tell her she wouldn’t understand me, but she didn’t leave me alone in this, she got me pastors, church people to pray for me together we fought the demon that was attacking me, my soul was at risk.

People left me alone; I knew God removed them he knew I didn’t need them to be with me. I will never be ashamed of where I was, I will never be ashamed to know that I was battling for my life.

You know October 2010 I lost my uncle.

There I was already fighting to stay alive as I fell ill yet again. I didn’t have strength. I couldn’t fight it any longer. I said, “ God I can’t do this anymore.” with tears in my eyes to be saying those words as another pastor came to pray for me a week or so after the death. She said to me, “Don’t question this, God he has a plan for you. He’s going to take you through victory.” I kept her words inside me I remembered it.

You know everything that has been stolen from me has been returned ten fold, but I am coming out, it was a new season for me, 2012 was a new season for me because it says, “Be The Miracle, Here am I and the children whom the Lord has given me! We are for signs & wonders” Isaiah 8:18

What happened in 2011 was part of the plans. I never knew or even imagined I would be here sitting and writing this to you. I didn’t even believe in myself. That all that pain could just fall of my back and give me a second chance at life.

I am a miracle, I am someone, just a person who wandered around in a sinful life and once I asked forgiveness and repent my sins all heavens cleared.

I am washed with joy, I have never known true happiness without being in a relationship, and I am single. And I came to be content with what I have. Seeing things differently now, that my past doesn’t and shouldn’t define who I was. But what matters is the now the person who I am and who I am still going to be in the future. Our God is amazing his super awesome dad that can mend my broken heart. He can restore almost anything as it was, but just better. You see as I was going through this transformation in the last four months of 2012 it wasn’t easy, it was hard, but it was something I would never swap for anything in my life, not even for the love of my life.

I prayed throughout my depression, I wasn’t alone in my depression God was there keeping me safe from doing harm to myself.

Awhile ago I read that depression is something from Satan, he likes putting us in hell for us to give up on trusting God to heal us.

A temporary issue we want to prolong for years, it took me two years to admit I had a problem.

I couldn’t do it on my own I needed to speak to someone. A good therapist and she truly understood me, but while she was healing some scars for me, I met my spiritual friend, my cousin’s girl friend, what a blessing she has been, she has the spirit of discernment she cares about my well being about me getting better. She didn’t give up on me she prayed with me and encouraged me. God must have heard my tears over the years when I was sitting alone in my room crying and being angry at the world for giving me so much grief.

She told me, “Your latter will be greater than your past. That all things are possible.” And she knows I have been through hell, and just God knew what I have been through, no matter what has been done that my future will be greater than my past.

We just need to ask God to heal us.

We have power inside of us, we have a light coming through and the enemy he wants to struck us down, but as I read, our silence gives us strength and confidence to overcome our enemies.

I hand it all over to God, my worries, my concerns. I can’t ever exist in a world where God isn’t my centre. He’s my all.

I experience contentment, happiness and joy when I was in a relationship I was mostly miserable, I don’t trust people, but I trust God and he is showing me how to love myself again. Everyday I love myself more than any other person in my life. I want to know more of God, I crave knowing what he has in store for me next, and that through my life storms knowing I have him on my side my ship isn’t sinking at all. My ship is stable and it’s warm.

My soul is reaching new voyages. I want to be a disciple. I want to be someone who’s able to carry out his word to those ones lost still. If you a sheep still lost and busy finding there way. Don’t hinder far from him his ever loving God of wanders.

As my friend is going through her grief I know that she isn’t alone in this, she has a father that won’t ever forsake her.

He’s there comforting her each day. Grief happens in life we can’t run from grief we also can’t avoid feeling it, blocking it will just prolong the pain. But God his the perfect love that will be her strength just like he is any mother who has lost a son or a daughter, every person who has lost a father or a mother, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunt, cousin, he hears our prayers.

Scriptures that has carried me through April 2012

Each day in April I walked around with a scripture throughout my day and at the end of the day I will meditate on it and pray.

Rom8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love GOD, to those who are called according to his purpose.

Rom6:14

For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

Isaiah 30:15

In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.

Psalm 119: 28

My soul melts of heaviness, strengthen me according to your word.

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Heb13:5

Let your conduct be without covetousness, be content with such things as you have. For he said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Rom 16: 20

And the God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly.

Psalm 42:11

Why are you cast down, oh my soul? And why are you disquieted within me. Hope in God for I shall not praise him. The help of my countenance and my lord.

Psalm 27: 14

Wait on the lord. Be of good courage and he shall strengthen your heart. Wait I say on the lord.

Phil 4:13

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Set Free

Set free

I keep telling myself

Set free,

Let go.

Move on

             Yet I still hold onto the exact thing

Breaking me down.

Set free

I know it isn’t impossible to be free.

Free from all hurt, pain, torture and memories

That bound me to this life.

             A horrible life

Where you live with the pain so deep

That you don’t know which way to go.

Set free

I hear the voice saying it’s over and over

Set free

             I stood up and fight for my life.

I took back what is rightfully mine.

I was set free because God he heard my cries.

He set me free, because we are to ourselves a

Very valuable price.

Set free from all that has bound me to this

World to your issues you have towards me.

I am set free, saved from a life of destruction.

Set free,

Let go

I am home.

Remnants of our love affair.

Trails and tribulations is apart of life, It was apart of our lover’s quarrels

When I look back to the things the life I wish we could have had,

I use to feel depressed, hooked on medication of all sorts to get through

My days as sleep never came.

there you were going behind my back

As you start a new love affair with a friend it broke me .every vessel

Of my soul that once loved you., but you know what you have teach

Me a lesson about myself. I saw who I once was through your actions.

When I betrayed you with a friend,

When I lived with the guilt of hurting you

So deeply that I fallen into heavy depression.

I sometimes wander if others are so lucky like I have been,

How God just removed you out of my life,

I read a poem of Leonard Cohen, He’s heart was deeply bruised by a women

He wrote a book about longing. Months after you have denied me,

Pushed me aside like a piece of rubbish that has no use to you,

Yesterday you send me a song, “What about love”.

Those lyrics proved to me that you have been taking revenge on what I did.

After months of asking you to forgive me. You never did, until I closed off my heart to you.

You are right I have been hiding, not showing

You or her hurt I was in.

You tell me if I don’t want someone to care about me.

What about love, but all I can remember is the remnants of our love affair being over.