Email from Dha

from    Glenda Delos cidhang@yahoo.com to    chimnese davids <chimnese@gmail.com> date    Tue, Sep 29, 2009 at 3:02 AM subject    Re: This is my NOW

 This is my Now

Means you to me you are my Now. When I first encounter your story I told to my myself I have to know this person who keeps my heart beating very past. I don’t know what it is at first. I thought I would never find someone to love. I didn’t expect to feel so much more.

I was heart broken twice. My last BF was supposed to be planning in leaving together. He got sick and died. I thought that time of closing my heart forever.

Then a read your stories and maybe I’m not hopeless like I thought I was. I met you not in person. You bring out the best of  me so fast like I blink of an eye. I open my heart to you like I know you all my life. I just want to feel again this excitement and happiness. I started dreaming I will go there to you even if as a friend it doesn’t matter as long as we will stay friends.

All my life only my grandma doesn’t leave. She is the only person who took care of me.

All I want is somebody who I can love unconditionally.

You know what I thought when you are mad at me. I thought your gonna leave me too my heart is breaking all over again. I don’t know if I can’t take it anymore if you were leaving me too.

I know I scared you and I’m sorry if I did.

Every night I always imagine you’re in my arms. When the right time came I will go there and meet you and feel your warmed next to me.


I will always love you just know that you’re my Angel.


Love you,


Dha

Note: I'm jealous of breathe but im over it cause i know she has a wife.


AN: An email i want to share this girl will always have my heart if only she knew how much I love her.

Love's simplicity

Letter no.9

27 March 2012

Dearest Love

"People who are meant to be together will always find their way back to each other. They make take detours in life, but they're never lost."

I am addressing this letter in this manner because I have been on an emotional roller coaster where I no longer find anything worth fighting for. I'm losing you with every push and every shove. I am being thrown to the depths of your heart. Before I use to think that we can survive all this, but I am fighting a lonely battle lost in despair.  How long does it last, can love be measured by the hour in a day. I always knew you would be there for me no matter how far apart we are. The last letter I've stated we are losing each other I stopped hearing you hearts cries, until this past weekend I could see you. Your pain, your tears. I saw them as they glittered in my soul. So tell me how can two people that's so connected by a soul tie ever be apart knowing the simple truth that we are meant to be.

With your first hello, with your first time you've looked into my heart I always knew there was something special about you. I just never understood it. I've lost you to another, but I know your hand will always reach for me, it’s always there. People come into our lives and tore us apart. It’s been 3 years and we have been tested a million times no distance can tear us apart. Yet people try. The more they try to rip you from my hands I can't understand why we not with each other. When your tears you shed is for me. When this ache inside my chest is for you and no one else. I need you just as much as I know you need me too.

You and I are the only two people that understand each other. We fight, we argue, but I know you just as scared as I am of this love we possessed for each other. Afraid to be vulnerable and willing to carve away our guarded hearts. But that's just what we have to do, to stop fearing one of the greatest lover’s tale that have ever existed.  A love that precedes the test of time.  How many haven't tried to steal our love away from each other. We always seem to find our way back to each other.

I know you are not mine, but believe me one day you will open you're eyes and see me standing there in that airport waiting for you. Being reunited after all the lost time wasting our lives on others that never understood our love. I don't need riches or wealth, but all I want is you and my health. The two things that would make me the happiest.

Yet here I am writing from my heart words that only you lay on my heart strings.

I'll forever be waiting. Even when my hearts breaking, even when my heart stops beating.

Your Forever
Love

God Why The Tears

God Why the Tears

I am down on my knees as I don’t know

What’s too come of me anymore?

God why the tears,

The deafening pain upon my soul

Is crying towards the skies,

I feel captured in this whirlwind

Torrent of grief stricken pain,

Where must the changes happen?

Is it my thinking, the mindset?

God why the tears that is barren upon my soul,

I am writing these words and I feel the shivers

Of not knowing where or what to do anymore.

Where are you God in the midst of all my pain?

Trouble suffocates me, worry entangles me.

I can’t sleep at night. The suffering is eating me up

From inside out.

God why the tears. Why the suffering that’s lying upon my soul.

Do you hear me God?

Do you hear the echoes of my cries?

God you showed me in Job all the things I am going through,

The suffering the pain of his soul, his body withering.

God you heard me then are you still with me.

Are you close by making preparation?

God why the tears.

God I know my pain is internal, an emotional up roar

That’s never fixed, never shaken.

God please hear my cries today,

Bring peace to my weary soul.

 Amen?

AN: This poem is something that I am currently feeling, it's something that I am struggling with emotionally & spirituality. Please be careful how you comment on this poem.

Two hearts

Letter no.8

19 March 2012

My Soul Mate

A part of you has grown in me and so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.

I've been waiting for a year now for you to come back to me, I've waited with holding my heart for another because its you who I love so much. Like every fibre inside of me craves you, yet we are so many millions of miles apart.
The other day I came across the song by Adele, Make You Feel My Love.
I've been listening to that song repeatable since Saturday.
I just don't know how long I can hold on, but I love you. I'd die to be with you, to build a future, a home with you.

Tell me this do you think about me and wander how I'm doing. Do you still sit alone as thoughts of me filter your mind? Do you feel me close by, do you ask yourself, and ‘I wonder what she is doing? Because I wonder at times if we still have that connection. When we don't talk for days, when you hear nothing, but silence do you still care for me. Do we still want the same dream?

You use to be the first person on my mind when I wake up and the last person just before I fall asleep. Where has it all changed? Since my last letter I felt like we've slipped so far away from each other that each day we grow apart instead of towards each other. Tears still fall, but it falls because you've broken my heart. Every time I let you in then you take your love away from me.

I'm distorted I don't know where and what to do anymore.
I've loved you for 3 years since the day I've met you yet never have you fought for me, you don't show me that you love me. You stopped asking me how I am doing. It hurts darling because you're the one I wanted next to me when all my dreams came true.

Will I ever have you body and soul, heart and mind?
'Life's to short to hide feelings don't be afraid to say what you're feeling.' I've stopped hiding, yet you don't take what I am saying.
I guess you would never accept the fact that I've matured since our last time. What I've done in the past? I've learned from all my mistakes.
That song you've said that would always remind you of our love. I can tell you that was our love story. Our forever, our always.

When you've met me and the first time I've heard your voice I don't think any person I'm going to love one day will make me feel that way. Your love was pure, I was never lonely knowing that I had you.
We had a perfect love no matter the mistakes we've both made in the past.

A love so beautiful and real; it’s almost impossible to express how you feel. A love that has lasted a life time I know for me I'll love you forever even after death. Have you ever known a love that is always there never judging, and always fair? A love so strong in your heart that nothing can tear it apart. Love that wipes away the tears carries you through all your fears that are never criticizing, a love that defends you, that you can share all of your desires with, your fantasies and your dreams. A love that understands you’re most inner thoughts, a love that has survived the test of the years come and gone. This is a love that grows stronger as the years pass; I know that no matter what is in store for us that. If we never find our hearts back together, just know this that with all I am, with all my heart and soul that you and only you will always be the wandering muse that fills my mind. Each and every day I'll love you. Because I believe that destiny is out of my control. That only God knows if we are meant to be.

Yet deep inside I know that I'm truly blessed that I was loved by someone like you. I'll always love you my Mia Amor. I'll never forget the first poem I've written for you and how that was the first taste of love I've ever felt in my 26 years.
You've shown me a love that I've never known.
 A love that comes along ‘once’ in a lifetime! A love ‘through the years’; I have shared with you! You are this kind of love, I love you. Thank you for being the “PERFECT LOVE" for me.

Know one will ever understand the love I have for you. No one would but you and me.

My first poem was for her, written on 23 September 2009.

Mi amore

She was beautiful her long dark straight hair dangling down her bare shoulders. She was the most beautiful person I have met.
Her heart was pure gold, the softest skin you can imagine.
With a sun tanned coated over it.
It’s a natural tan that makes her beauty even more noticeable.

She has the most amazing eyes; at night when the stars shine you can see the light shining from her dark eyes, with the most intense look I have ever seen.

She is never one to think about her own needs because her world is surrounded by the people who have been there for her, most her life.
No matter what hardship she’s been through she picks herself up and walks with her head held high. I know deep down in her heart she’s aching to be loved, aching to have the profoundest of falling in love.
She may not know it now but her soul- mate is out there longing and hoping she would one day meet them.
Her voice as sweet as an angel the melody so sweet that you want to hear for the rest of your life.
But deep down you know that she will always be the one person to have touched you in more ways then one.

Mi amore, Mi amore.


Your forever

 Baby Chim

Just a Memory

Just a memory of my past nothing to remember you by,
Lost with the faded memories, but just tell me how I can forget,
 how can I say goodbye to you.
I look around me and I remember that we can never be,
The pain in me goes, there's not  a day that goes by
That  a memory and all our dreams comes flashing passed my eyes,
As each time I've tried to forget so that I can bid farewell,
Where do I start, just tell me   how? It’s so easy for you to forget.
To move away from the life that we've lived,
There's days I sat in the dark as tear tracks fall down my cheek,
That's when it hits me as much as I want you to be just a memory
In my past, how can I forget the dreams we've shared,
And how I knew you cared, but why each time I let you back in,
You hurt me just to leave me once again, with no goodbye.
I am so tired of the tears and the pain to my heart,
I tried to love you like no other, but all it did was hurt me more.
Now that I know that we will never be, just a memory that's all
that’s left of who we once was.
The dreams and my life were heading somewhere all along I knew
if I let you back in I'll give up on holding the walls up.
 how do I stop loving you,  how do I say goodbye, because its not easy to forget
 a love that was once so pure and innocent,  a love that I wish could
Be chased away when memories
Comes back, you were more than just
 a memory, you were my world.

Inspired by the song, How do I stop loving you.

An Unsuspected Journey

The Unsuspected Journey

by 

Chimnese Davids

They say inside our hearts we all have a destiny, we all have a journey to follow through. Living in this day and age where life can pass you by in an instant. No recover, no second chances, and no I am sorry. It’s a life that we try so hard to grasp on. Not knowing what tomorrow holds for us. It was the decision you've made without me.  A decision that could have been avoided.

But I knew the day would come where we would walk this path. All along I knew that time would bring us back together, but today I saw you for the person that I've fallen in love with.

You helped me as I've tried to gather my entire luggage on the cart. We were walking side by side as you push the stroller. I didn't turn to your side. I didn't want to have this moment be our last.

"One day you will thank me." Those words uttered from her lips.
"In the events that coming you will be doing something that you always wanted. I won't be the one to put that light out of you." She says.

My tears were there, but I didn't let them fall. All I could feel was the blood pumping through my veins to every part where this rush of overwhelming came fort. I didn't want to leave her, but she knew it wasn't going to be forever. That I wasn't going to be in her life forever.

“The hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate."

I closed my eyes as we near the escalator taking me further. Taking me away from her.
"Are you ready?" She asked me. With my eyes still closed, taking deep breathes before I spoke.
 A deep breath was filled into my lungs as I breathe it right back out slowly.
"I'm nerves. I'm exited, but I'm nerves." I said. She looked at me as she pushes the stroller back and forth. Yet still having her eyes set on mine.
Never have I thought that this would hurt so much. The tears was visible I could see her light green eyes glittering from the water as it didn't fall, but it was there evident that this is as hard for her as it was for me.

I would've stayed, if she said the words. I wouldn't have let her take me to that airport. To know that she was my angel. This is like when I was sick a few years back and she couldn't accept that I was fighting a disease that was incurable. But her love for me made me fight against all the reports from doctors that I will never be able to have a normal life. That I would never walk. We believed together. We took God as our savoir and believed in so many other testimonies.

Six months went passed and I was able to walk again. Doctors said it was miracle; I stopped all medication because I believed in a higher power.
This right here with her, saying goodbye to my best friend and my god daughter was the only family I've had.

"Jordan, our destinies isn't up to us nor does the weather. If this is the last goodbye I don't want to remember the tears, but the joy. This is your purpose to heal people. There’s a light inside of you, something I can't keep to myself any longer." I was in love with, Sarah since I've met her 10 years ago.

“There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane; sometimes they barely fan one’s cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore.”
 

"If I never knew you, if I never felt this way I would have no inkling on how great life can be." I said.
Sarah came closer to me the stroller pointed to the side of her as I hear   baby, Winter blowing through her lips. I am going to miss that sound she makes ever since she started teething.

She stops in front of me as both her arms goes around my neck, mine went around her waist, just holding each other in. I didn't want to let go, neither did she.
Tears couldn't be stopped, not this time around. She pulled away, wiping the tears from my eyes. Smiling as she does it. I didn't look a way, I didn't want too. Because for the next year or more I wouldn't see them again.

Just before I let go of her waist she pressed a kiss to the corner of my lips. I remember as we said our last goodbyes I was touching my lip to feel her touch.

It was as if we in this movie that's being filmed and everything in that scene was shot in slow motion. The way we walked away from each other. No one turned around she was walking towards home and I was walking towards a life that I am not familiar with.  A life that I still fear.

As I walked up the escalator. Until I got to the top. I finally turned around just when I spotted her and Winter making their way out of the airport.

If I look back to that moment standing face to face with the woman that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but if our destinies didn't bring us back together. You might as well accept it, that she wasn't meant to be with me.
I've been living in Cape Town, South Africa for the past five years.

“Of course it hurt that we could never love each other in a physical way. We would have been far happier if we had. But that was like the tides, the change of seasons--something immutable, an immovable destiny we could never alter. No matter how cleverly we might shelter it; our delicate friendship wasn't going to last forever. We were bound to reach a dead end. That was painfully clear.”

My destiny wasn't set anywhere else, but right here in my home town.

Author Note: All rights are owned by me. 

Short Story Slam week 21- @ BlueBell Books Twitter Club

The Beginning

I always wanted to travel back in time. It was always part of my thoughts, but I never thought it would happen until I saw a strange light and, stepping into it, found myself in a time where my world was still a vivid dream cocooned inside my unexplored mind.
The paths seemed familiar. It was my city, just not my time. I knew the Gods had their reasons for this. It was faith which had brought me to this city called Cape Town many years back, and I was sure the person I was meeting was very important.

I saw a black car quickly approaching on the grey tar road where I stood. I couldn’t see the people inside, but I knew there was something that brought me to this place on this fateful day.
I built up courage and stood still, right in front of the car. It was headed straight for me. With both my hands out, I felt my heart rate suddenly speed up. As I watched, another car came from behind me. Before I could scream to make them stop, they crashed into each other in front of my eyes.
The black car had overturned and I watched as a guy tried to pull out a lady from the back seat. The look on his face made me fear that the worst had happened. It was then that the lady tried to move and he got her out.

I saw she was pregnant; both faces were traumatized.
“The baby…is the baby okay?” the guy shouted. He was panicking, touching the woman’s face.
Other cars stopped to help.
The woman’s eyes looked familiar. It was like I’ve seen them before.
Could it be her? It couldn’t, I told myself.
Suddenly the scene blurred and I found myself in a totally different place. I was at a hospital. I walked down the corridor and I saw that woman from the car, alone in a room. She was crying, but I could see her brown eyes through those clear tears.
I looked around me to see if anyone had spotted me. I entered her room silently and stood near the door. When she looked up, she saw me gazing into her eyes.
“Come in,” she said, wiping her tears from her eyes.
I smiled at her andshe asked me, “What’s your name?”
“Sarah,” I replied.
“Beautiful name.”
“Why are you so sad?”
She said it was the baby. A few months ago, she thought she was going to lose her baby.
I sat at the foot of the bed. She was pretty, I noticed. She was still young, and I could see it in her face. I knew that one day I would grow up to look just like her.
She was my mother. I was the daughter yet to be born who she was caressing as she talked to me.
I put my hand on her stomach but she didn’t mind at all.
There was something I needed to know, a question that I wished she would answer when I was all grown up.
“Do you love your baby?” I asked.
I don’t know why, but I had to ask. I wanted to know that when I did come into the world, I would have love in abundance.
“Yes,” she answered and more tears came out of her eyes. “I love my baby so much. This wonderful little girl is going to be a blessing to so many. She will have grace of her grandmother, a heart like no other, and I will be the proudest mother in the universe.”
The way she said that all in one go with such passion, I knew she would love her baby, love me.
It was her tears that I wanted to take away. I wanted to hug her and tell her that she didn’t need to worry, that God will save me from many things in my life. I wanted to tell her that I am her daughter, that I wasn’t born yet, but that I would be with her soon.

It was then I whispered these words, “I love you too, Mom,” so she couldn’t hear me clearly.
I could feel that my time with my mother was slipping away. I was almost ready to meet the world.
She shouted to the nurse passing by, “I want to meet my baby. Get her into the world now!”
Tears were falling, the same courageous tears from the car accident and the same tears that brought me into this world.

It was like time stood still as I was shifting out of that room, hearing my first cry.
I knew that I met my mother on two occasions. The first was when I almost died in a car accident when I was still inside of her, and the second was hearing her tears and speaking to her.
Those were the two memories that I knew the future me would remember always.
–


For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, kelly garriott waite challenged me with "You're given the opportunity to meet your mother or father at a point before your birth. Who would you meet? When? What would you talk about?" and I challenged Shelley with " Things that make you uniquely beautiful"

The Burning Flame

I've always looked at her as moral human being, never have I thought
this is who she was.
Blinded I've accepted every lie she has told me,
I could see her being envious towards other women in my life,
Always finding ways to get my mind to her, using sexual desires to make me lust after her body.
With greed I've entertained the thoughts that I wanted more of her,
Without  a question I could never understand what's the deal with her.
At times her raging anger would come to the surface as it would
always attack me without thinking
to put a stop to my own mind I attack her with the same words that utters from her mouth.
There are no guarantees that in life we would fall down and commit certain sins that could be the end to our spirit;
the flesh takes over as its pride needed to be pat on the back to make it feel good.
Yet it’s all in securities that we want to hide from the person we thought we knew.
It's written in proverbs that there are six things God hates,
That he detest most of all,
'Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,  a heart that devises wicked schemes, 

feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies'.
If we knew what we've sinned can our lives be changed if we admit to
what we've done unto others?
To keep a clean heart don't be envious towards your fellow men,
don’t look with lusted eyes at another man's wife.
Don't be greedy to have more wealth than what you can't inquire.
Live with souls free of the seven sins
that can ruin your souls.

Poetry Picnic Week 26: Seven Deadly Sins

 

A Life Wasted

Look at what you've been through
Chasing after dreams
And never commit
What hard knock to fall
When you realized you've
Wasted another few months
The choices you've made
Not appeasing to your parents,
What an elegantly wasted life
Your optimism was at a peak
Walls came down
And made you fear
You try to refine yourself
Your characterized to be eloquent
No it's an elegantly wasted life
a life wasted not so much
The absence of her mind
Of everything unkind
Sort off excitement admiration
And approbation by symmetry.
a wasted life
No elegantly wasted
As a dove flying
Trying to be more submissive
Towards her choices in life.
Always a learning curve
And an elegant structure.