A Forgiving Heart

A Forgiving Heart

I am suppose to write what love means to me,

What it made me feel when you

Entered my life, my world

Became full of laughter and sunshine,

The glow upon my face never left me

The blush on my cheeks stayed for days.

I remember what love felt like

What it made me do, it showed me

That no matter what love goes through

That we can conquer it.

I loved you like a diamond

Always making sure it’s glowing,

I walked outside and strangers

Would smile at me like saying

“She’s glowing today.”

I had a beat in my step,

I had a song in my heart.

Your forgiving heart connected with mine.

I wonder around these days thinking

Will I ever feel your heart, your touch?

Will I one day say, “I Love you.”

Will I soar on cloud nine again?

Love you don’t know how much

I still long after you,

Destiny has played apart of this,

He made me see what is missing.

I love that feeling when you just know

What is wrong with me?

When I am down you life me up.

You spread joy all around me.

Late at night you the last thought,

Early in the morning you the first thought.


Copyright C Davids @ 28/10/2011

An Epic Love Tale

An Epic Love Tale

The depth of my soul cries out

To the one who's imprints

Has laid on its soul,

My heart sings out to you,

As much as I love you,

My heart wants to hold onto you for decades and centuries

Yet I know that in another life

Our love will once again blossom

From the depths of our souls

We will journey through cosmic stars

As Venus match with Venus

On a cold chilly evening

Our tears will fall under the same moon

As each one of us will pray

To up above asking our savior

To keep watch over the other.

Here's my heart my soul

That will wander searching

For the other half of my heart,

The way I've always loved you

The way you've always charmed me.

Your beautiful smile,

Those dark brown eyes of yours

That smile I use to put on your lips,

I'm no Shakespeare, no Keats,

But this I know as a poet

I've come to serenade you with words

As you've always been my number

One true fan.

Oh how I've loved your praise,

Having you be apart of my life

Was heaven, yet here on earth?

The ocean has separated us.

There's not a person in this

World that can tell me what we had

Wasn't epic, we came through

The worst and each time we got

It right, someone cannot describe

To me ever what the perfect love

Feels like.

You were my epic tale,

A love filled with tragedy, beauty

A lover’s fa tale,

Two women from two opposites

Of the world,

But no one, love no one,

Will ever love like you've loved me.

I found healing in your love,

I've found compassion, encouragement,

I've found abundance in the faith

You've shared with me,

Your love was what carried me through.

The depths of your heart will always

Be combined with mine.

You're the inspiration where my

Words use to flow.

Tears will fall tonight as they stream

Endlessly because of what I've lost.

In your own words

           "Creo que eres hermosa.

            Y probablemente no debería decir esta última parte,

             Pero me gustas tu"

"I think you're beautiful.

And I probably shouldn't say this last part, but I like you."

             “Mi alma es tuya te la entrego

              Soy completo para ti”

My heart is yours, I give it to you

              I am complete for you

Copyright C Davids @ 28/10/2011

Thursday Poets’ Rally Week 55 (November 3-November 9, 2011)

Be Yourself Quote

I'm not always as confident as I seem ... there are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me ... sometimes I just want a hug ... someone who will let me cry. I like when boys cry in front of me -- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart ... and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.

 

"It hurts to look at yourself in the mirror and hate yourself, look into the mirror and wonder what ever happened to that smile that used to shine so bright. When you look at yourself, you see this version of "you" that your mind has created, someone that has become so distant and cold that nobody wants to be around her. Empty eyes. Fragile bones. The only thing you have left are the lies you tell yourself everyday to survive, lies that have become your painful reality, lies that will swallow you whole and crush your insides, lies that have turned you into someone you never wanted to be.."
Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

Forget what you heard, recognize what you see. I know you heard the rumors... now here's the real me

You can love me, hate me, resent me, respect me, but you have to accept me for me, because that’s all ill ever be

The best feeling in the world is doing something everyone said you couldn’t

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

You can make whatever you want out of YOUR life, but first you have to not be afraid to try

So Sick Of Lovesongs

There is always that one feeling that never goes away, and I keep asking myself why do I love you still. You are inside of my conscious each day and night.
What I am feeling doesnt really even matter anymore. I search endlessly my whole life to be with someone that understands me and connect with on a level of understanding.
I never knew falling in love could hurt this much. Whne you not even with the person anymore. Knowing they out there somewhere being with another. When we broke up in February just after Valentines Day, I knew at that moment we did the best thing to seperate, but i didnt expect it would last 8 months later for me finally break down and feel that heartbreak like it was fresh.

It's like the pieces that was slowly stitching together has fallen apart yet again. Torturing myself of all that once was you. I want to run so far away from the grip you have on my heart. The reasoning yet I cant completely understand the why, why do people come into ourlives, why do we fall in love, why do we even consider giving our hearts out to someone who in some way you thought were your soulmate that you two were destined to be together. I just cant grasp what I am feeling on one hand I hate what I am feeling for you and the next I still try to fit you in my life, but then I also can't do that because I cant not have you be apart of my life knowing there isnt going to be a you and me.

"One love isn't all
consuming, but one
heartbreak can be."
~Tigress Luv, The
Break Up Guru

"Trust me, no past love is as wonderful as a broken heart may make them out to be."

I don't think that a heart can feel this much pain. I end up writing stories and poetry just to release what is left inside, there is so much that i feel that I dont know how to move it out the way. I keep wandering off to who we once were, what we once had.
I am lost and alone and I don't know, I guess I should let this fall of my back. Gosh it hurts so much I dont know how to live without you.

"Those who have never gone through a breakup have never truly grown as a person. They spend their days in a complete whiteout, not knowing how to feel their soul, touch the sky, or hear the spirit whisper in the wind. Only through a broken heart do we blossom into fragrant flowers with the infinite wisdom of a sage and an omniscient spirit in perfect balance with all-creation."

Checking your rearview mirror once in a while helps you get a clearer sense of where you are at, but when you look in your rearview mirror too long, you're bound to miss what's coming up in front of you.

Are you staring at the walls in your room with sighs of grief? Listening to depressing music with quick reflections of regret and longing? Heartbreak can be very painful, I mean I am living through it for all this time, another woman cant take that ache away, have I overcome the crushing reality of a fading romance it fabricated self destruction.
Love is complicating and the dynamics of caring for someone else is staggering.
When we broke up I asked myself these questions? What doesn't she love me back? What happened to us, where did I go wrong and what more could I have done to make her realise that we could do this, that distance shouldn't be the only reason to break up.
I still love her. But eventually I knew this was something I have to work on to get through but let me tell you, heart break is a dark experience. I had to distract myself from going insane and had to do drastic measures, disconnect myself from all connections that I've had with her, because laying around and repeating all the WHAT IF'S took a toll on me emotionally.

How I wanted her to wait for me and to come back  and be with her living our dream. The painful reality was when i saw she has moved on with another girl.The minute I have heard this news it was like a bulging pain seeping through my lower body.
It's like dejavu has hit me back to 2010 reminding me that you have been through this exact stage last year, even though you have been working through the pain of that relationship ending, here the one girl you knew loved you with everything in her has now found someone else. She tells me that she wants someone that cares about her that gives her that attention. She tells me i neglect her. But only if she knew what I was dealing with and that I was working on getting my life back together.
Maybe this is God's way of putting her with someone else that isnt me. Yet it hurts like hell.

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try and talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's over.

If you are willing to trust in a person when all others tell you to go against it, if you are willing to risk getting your heart broken because you believe in that other person. Then that is true love.
Isnt this what true love is, did we have true love, were she meant to be my soulmate i dont know its something I cant answer because the more pain I feel from her out of my life the deeper the scar at the end of the day.

Finding true love is hard enough, but to throw that love away just because you thought it was easier to walk away from them instead you let go and walk around with your head down facing the road you're walking. Lying around your house thinking just maybe she is better off, but what if there was some way that you could've gotten over that hurt and try again. I believe in love but the fact that it hurts even more when you are face with the loneliness.

I might have walked away, but I didnt walk away with my heart I left it with her. She carries it with her since we departed.
Life is so short you know, living with the fear of loving again, guarding your heart from the people or person you love the most. I can't deny my love for her, its inevitable, that she is my soul mate. So many time has passed but my love and I know her love for me is constant.

Have you ever looked at your phone in that sense thinking I wonder how she is, what she is doing. Why cant she love me back in that way we once had. What made her stop feeling for me. I thought she would wait for our forever. Is this where it all should end, where we both go our sperate ways. Why cant I accept this that she isnt mine anymore that I am not her only one, the only woman she wants to be with.
I miss her emails, her text. Her face her smile. Gosh i miss her and only her can complete me.
yet i should let her go.

There is a quote that goes, If they don't return they were never yours to start with.
Forever & Always
Bunny

Here comes goodbye

Here comes goodbye

I just can't believe where life has taken me

My entire life is changed

Nothing is there anymore

You left for good this time,

You're someone else's now

I thought this might happen one day

Just one day to soon.

I've hurt you too much

Over the past year.

I think this is goodbye

Here I'll stay wished for you to be my wife.

I can hear your last words that

I don't see the woman I once loved,

All I see is someone desperate.

You won't believe how I'm feeling

Right now, I wish I were better person then.

A better girlfriend a better friend.

Here comes goodbye

And this time there's no forever for us

No little kids in our future,

No you and I

No bunny,

No sweet pea.

I've had you but lost you.

You were my first love.

But now it’s all gone and forgotten.

You were always the one.

I knew it since the start.

Now our love story has come to an end.

I'll always love you.

In your own words you've said it,

"Creo que eres hermosa. Y probablemente no debería decir esta última parte, pero me gustas tu"."

I think you're beautiful. And I probably shouldn't say this last part, but I like you."

Mi alma es tuya te la entrego

Soy completo para ti

My heart is yours, I give it to you

I am complete for you

Copyright C Davids @ 13/10/2011

Poetry Picnic Week 9 : Longing, Loss, Loosing and Failure

Fallen

Fallen

So those words just start drifting

Through my mind,

As fresh tears are willing to fall,

I try so hard to push them back,

Telling myself that I have no right,

That I haven't needed to break down

And cry, I can't accept this,

Tears falling, when all I'm thinking

Why not spoke up earlier.

What have I missed out?

Was I so consumed with my own hurt?

That I didn't watch what was going

On around me.

Do you blame me for everything I've been through?

 That we've been through.

Our hearts belong together

That's what I know.

I'm sitting up late this morning

While sad love songs are playing

Our songs, our future gone.

I didn't even feel this ache

I'm feeling now months ago,

But here it, I feel regret now.

I'm heart broken.

So this must have felt like

When I broke yours,

And heart wrenching, suffocating pain.

The kind of pain that leaves your head

Spinning, that leads you to do things

Unknown.

A dark red room with your knife

Right through the center of it.

The more I see you happy,

The more the knife twist and turns

That I can't feel anything anymore,

Numb and empty that's how I feel.

You've won the battle.

Walk out the door as you smile

And grab someone else's hand.

Leaving me barely can take a breath

As nothing is left but being fallen.

Copyright C Davids @ 13/10/2011

Poetry Picnic Week 9 : Longing, Loss, Loosing and Failure

The Serene of The Ocean Calming My Spirit

The Serene of The Ocean Calming My Spirit

It’s always the place I could be
more myself to still the emotions within me
just sitting they’re taking in the fresh air
that's coming from the waves
as it hits against the rocks.

Waves coming over up until the shore,
I was sitting high up on the bench
As my mind stopped thinking.
Everything that I've been through,
Every heartache,
Every hurtful emotion,
That I've been feeling over the last week
Was nowhere to be found?

It emptied all those unsettling emotions.
That was running through my mind,
It’s amazing what the ocean can do.
As it tranquilize our minds.

And taking us far very far away
From everything you've felt,
I was most relaxed just sitting there.
In silence not being worried about
This or that but complete silence.

And just the sound of the ocean,
As I stare far beyond the distance
and see a ship sailing off,
The water was so calm and illuminating
that I didn't even think about
the time or rushing off to some place.

No it was just me sitting there
Enjoying the view of the ocean,
Just staring in deep thought
As the mind stilled.

No words for my next poem appeared,
No pain running through my body.
No feeling of "Oh my gosh" none.

Stillness resides within me
As meditation without me consciously
Knowing happened in those 3 hours
That I was feeling more at ease
Than I've ever felt in months.
© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.


Author Notes : I was at the beach yesterday and it something that always helped me to get a better reflection on my emotions. It was breath taking and it may have saved me from falling apart.

Words I Couldn’t Say

Words I Couldn’t Say 6/10/2011

There’s a box in my cupboard filled with all of you

You’re pictures scattered around me as I stare at

Them endlessly, I am so far lost that I’m hoping

For the words I couldn’t say then.

In a book in a box, in a line of a song

I hear the words over and over.

But never the words I couldn’t say.

The words leave my lips as I whisper your name.

Silence all around me as I sit on my front porch

Hoping that somewhere the stars I’m sleeping

Under will let you know I am thinking of you.

The words was there on the tip of my tongue,

There was you, and me but that’s all gone,

No back up plan, no second chance and no one else to blame.

I’m left with silence only hearing my own breathing

At night, no words to comfort me,

Nothing it’s all lost and I can’t blame anyone,

Words I couldn’t say.

Lost in a world where there is no second chances,

There is water pouring down from the sky,

Yet it’s all falling down on me,

There’s a wall I try to take down,

What I should have said is lost and gone.

Words I couldn’t say.

Words that I should’ve said just couldn’t

Pass my lips, now here we are and I’m too late.

All I can hear is the footsteps of your heart passing me by.

I should have found a way to tell you

How I really felt then,

Now I am telling all those things to myself.

What do I do now, its too late I can’t blame anyone,

There is nothing that remains

But the silence.

Because of the words I couldn’t say.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.


This poem was inspired by my favorite band Rascal Flats and the song Words I Couldn't Say.

Thursday Poets Rally Week 54 (October 20-26, 2011)

Versatile Blogger Award

I thank Unknowngnome Poems for honoring me with this award.

Here are my nominations of bloggers/poets works I enjoy, I hope you enjoy them as well:

AB Thomas
fiveloaf
Shashi
Ann leFlore
the Cello strings
Daydreamertoo
marbles in my Pocket
jeanie McBain
bendedspoon
MISH
Morning
thingy
Elaine Dunforth
A Maiden's testimony
liv2write2day

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award and link back to his/her blog.

2. Next nominate 15 bloggers for this award and notify them about the nomination.

3. Finally, tell readers seven things about yourself.

1. I am from Cape Town, South Africa

2. I love music

3. I want to be a published poet and share my love of words

4. Been published in a few anthologies

5. Support LGBT groups

6. I love God and thank him each day for my life

7. I wanna grow more in love with myself & God.

All The Girls I've Loved Before

All The Girls I've Loved Before

Its something I've come to realize

That each girl I've ever loved in this life

Was apart in what created who I've become

In a world living in endless love

As I've found love in each of their hearts,

Sometimes I sit by my window as the

rain drops falls down from the sky.

Each raindrop is the tear I've once cried,

shed for each of them.

Being young and finding love

Was all it was about for me?

My love my endless love.

Could watch one by one drifting out of my life,

Many would judge me with ugly words,

But none of them really know what

Each girl meant for me.

Throwing stones and breaking me down

won't ever change what I've felt.

Each girl I've kept and desired in there

Own special way.

When there bodies clinked towards mine.

Loving me, caring for me,

While I'll gently lay my hands on them

And hold them close to my heart.

As I would write endlessly words

To describe my love for them.

Each one told a different story,

Each one I've loved in their own special way.

Now here I am older and a little bit wiser

As I journey back to those youthfulness

When love and romancing them was the

 epitome of what love inflicted in me.

They each have touched my souls core.

Gently I would lay with them wrapping my arms around their waste,

As we succumb to our blissful intimacy,

There eyes glimmering in the dark candle lit room.

How precious aren't they when you become one with them.

Never have I've loved like when they were a part of me.

All the girls I've loved before

And not one has yet forgotten

the true memories of our once upon a time love story.

 © Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.

POETRY PICNIC WK 7: Love and loss

My Entry for this weeks theme. I have also added a video of my titled poem's song by one of my all time favorites.

Hope you enjoy my entry.