art reflects emotions(part of my therapy)

Does art express emotions?

As we have seen, an artwork can tell stories or depict ideas; it can be realistic or abstract. However, for some people, the most important issue in art is that it expresses or stirs emotions. Art can be a record of what the artist is feeling and, at the same time, it can bring about emotional reactions in the viewer. In the 20th century, this type of art has been called Expressionist Art. There are expressionistic features within many different art styles and movements. Artists make choices about color, line, texture, and composition to evoke or express feelings. Sometimes this leads to abstracting a subject to make it more expressive. 

The Following sketches was sketched by my own hand. I have started using my sketching as part of my therapy, it sort of way to release my feelings.





Girl playing guitar





angle on cloud

Art 
as 
Philosophy of Healing

Nobody can imagine their life as full without art. Art is creation, play, beauty, communication, intuitionÖ All of these are ART. But what is the meaning of art, what is its true purpose? 
 Artists express their emotional world through art, and the spectators or readers let this world pass through the realm of their sensuality.  

What art influences directly is feelings, and through the human feelings and soul it makes an impact on the personality itself. 
 Emotions in art are special:

ï Feelings in art pass over to a spectator through mediators, that is, from an object, to the author, the material, the interpreter, and to the recipient. Therefore the art not only mirrors the world, but also represents it, gives it an expression.  ï Feelings and emotions in real life have different colouring, both negative and positive. Emotions in art are always positive. 
ï Emotions in art have social implications, and they always have something in common with the original feelings experienced by every human being, so an artist never experiences merely a simple emotion, but rather a kind of a general social feeling.

Through feelings, art reaches the inner world of a human being, inspires us and makes us humane, creates a 'personality' within a person. Art can bring up and develop this personality and, as a result, solve pedagogical and psychological problems. Moreover, art is a psycho-therapeutic remedy for a soul, a means of psychological and psychic relief. It is here that art can assist medicine.

Open Road

The road ahead seems tarnished
As the wheels touches the gravel.
Sometimes I like this kind of drives
Where the road leads me to places
Unknown, places I forbid to reach.
But is it possible that we have
Always let ourselves be on
An concurrent drive as we
Protest that failure can slow
Us down.
What do we seek in life
If we always play it safe
Never to reach that open door.
That old familiar feeling
We always get where we stop
Ourselves from enjoying life.
We fall in despair as life takes
An unprepared turn
As we venture through pain
And heartache pulling us down.
We get to the brim of our adventure.
As we look far beyond the distance.
That long and unwinding grayish tar.
We see a road never ending.
We look at life as its on going,
Recurring each step as the days come.
So does that open road become.
A road that has so many other
Directions, it all depends
On the outcome.
On what we want out of life
And also what we seek to console
Our burden hearts.
I've come to a open road
And I've failed.
I've failed what I thought I knew.
That I can grow with each mistake
And turn it into a lesson.
Sometimes we think to much about
The end of that open road.
But all along its not about
Where we came from,
But where we we'll be
At the end of the day.
Finding hope and holding
On to our love for ourselves.

This is my entry for FWF by Kellie Elmore
Week#50 Thursday Poets Rally 25/08/2011 till 01/09/2011

A Letter



Dear Love ……

   

Do you remember how people would say our love was timeless?

How nothing could ever come between us.

Love you were the essence of my very existence.

The air I breathe, that filled my lungs with that fresh smell of vanilla

You used to wear, the coconut smell of your hair,

As my fingers would string through it, the silky texture of your

Beautiful long sleek tresses.

Looking back to those months when our love blossomed

Other girls would be jealous because we had each other.

Our love stood timeless, through all the pain,

The heartache, not once have you said you didn’t love me.

You probably wondering why I am writing you this post card.

I don’t know if you will ever get it or whose eyes will fall on it.

We are so far apart, my words is all I have left.

To let you know that you are still in my heart.

In my heart is a whisper that you feel the same way too.

Don’t let that feeling fade away, as I am carrying it deep within me.

Just let the moments sweep us both away.

Love I am going to find you again somewhere as we sleeping underneath

The same big sky. As you look up just wish upon that star that is twinkling.

That is I, my eyes that is sparkling whenever I feel you near.

Till we meet again my sweet love

 

POETRY PICNIC WK 2 : The Kiss

Chapter 10: The Aftermath (Finale)

Being whole doesn’t mean being more than who you are this very moment.

It means being who you are this very moment.  It means accepting the parts of yourself that used to make you ashamed, or feel small. These are the parts of yourself that will allow you to connect to other people, allow you to own your own strength.  And neither would you, without your wounds. My loneliness, which is part of my wholeness, has helped me to find you, in the dark.

I was finally in a good place, just sitting there like I did each week talking about everything. My childhood, my parents, my life, the relationships, the suicide. It all became lighter.

"Cali you have come very far in this therapy, you seem more energized, and driven by what you want out of life. You one brave woman." She said.

I was telling her about my latest conquest. I've told Kai about the rehab and how I ended up here. She came to visit me a few days ago. I told her its not too long still then I am out and going home.

She asked me my address again and I gave it to her, I remember Faith would always go to my house to get it fresh aired. She said she doesn't mind at all. She has become my guardian angel. But mostly she's like a mother.

She told me that she was proud on how far I've come that I never gave up, even when there was moments I wanted too.

I'm glad I have met her at the hospital she's helped me gain a sister. She made me come here and Dr. Walker has been one of the best therapists I've ever spoken to. Some how I feel a little sad.

"I think you don't need me anymore. You have fought back and took back your life. Your eyes are bigger and its sparkles, look at that smile." She says.

"It feels real like I never thought I'd get through it. I mean I was a complete mess when I got here." Some how it hit that if I leave here I won't see her anymore. I've come so attached to coming to talk to her. Its something I've been looking forward to each week.

"Don't be sad. You will make it, Cali. I believe in you, but you have to believe you can." She said.

"I know that and I do believe that I will make it."

"Just be careful out there okay. Don't rush into anything." She said.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. By Ralph Waldo Emerson." I said smiling remembering how my Dad always quoted that to me.

"Yes so true. Do me one thing. Don't give up writing because without your words this world is lonely." She said smiling at me.

Deep down I feel like that ache, the brokenness and that my mental state has disappeared. Its like God came to me over night and laid his magic wand over my head and changed all of me. He changed my heart; my mind and he stopped my pain.

Expecting the unexpected, my fears, and my flaws that's what built me up. They may have seen me fallen, but they will be amaze at the fact, that I did it.

I haven't done it to impress people I've done it because I wanted too change. I wanted to be in love with myself.

The day I looked in that mirror I saw gladness, I saw joy. I saw my life reborn again. I felt that greatness, Faith was talking about. Sometimes in this life you can inspire people, but it’s always hard to believe that quality about yourself.

Its through our adversaries we make peace with ourselves.

I thought my life was over when I took those pills wanting to end my pain. I didn't want to die; I just wanted to end that ache inside and the voice inside my head.

What I missed was the fact it was God all along. He was the voice showing me that it wasn't my fault that in life things goes wrong. We just have to bare it and ask forgiveness and make right with our selves. I guess God knew me all this time, He knew my heart.

He forgave me for my sins, for my mistakes. You can go around question yourself and make yourself sick, but I'm telling you I've learn a lot about myself.

The way I kept my heart closed not to get hurt, keeping years of pain inside. Never talking it all out, I thought writing would lessen all the hurt, but it doesn't. I remember Dr. Walker, saying that I have all the tools, but I wasn't using it the right way, and she teaches me how. How to release myself from the past.

Today I'm finally out as I said my goodbyes to the staff.

 What I've learned is that we make mistakes, but through those mistakes we can learn. We can get a second chance. Life is out there to be lived, but it’s how we live it that's the question. Knowing that I've been given a new start. I can only say life gives you what you put in. If you put in nothing, but pitying yourself instead of saying yes I've been wronged by people and that yes I've wronged them. It doesn't mean you were forgotten.

I've become spiritually in tuned with my faith. Regarding all the things I had to face, if I didn't go through it all I wouldn't have been feeling this joy that was inside me all along.

""Today is the first day of the rest of your life?" Is if your lifestyle of sensual enjoyment or spirituality. Freedom of thought is your conscience, your real life and the power of the mind and always refreshing. When you live with thoughts that today is the first day of the rest of your life, you're free of many thoughts of past and future."

The End.

Chapter 9: The Aftermath

"There can be moments when you feel that you are fighting a very lonely battle. Overwhelmed by discouragement, and experiencing nothing but defeat, it seems impossible to hold a strong and beautiful vision of what life should hold for you, and what you should be gathering from life. Such moments can be filled with an isolation so great that it seems as if even God has deserted you."

I stopped reading and looked out through the glass sliding door, that shows how beautiful the sun is cascading over the treetops.

So beautiful, but yet I don't take part in the feeling of enjoying what's created.

"Cali that should stop, you isolating yourself from people and life. You not feeling up to it." I turn to face her. I wish people would leave me alone. To let me do what I want, and what I want is to be left alone and hide in my room. It seems I slowly developed into my shell. The medication I'm on is helping with the depression. It stilled my thoughts of dying. The pain in my body is gone. I hardly write if I do its short notes then I stop and get in bed and sleep whole day until I have to eat, wash or take my medication.

"Cali please open up. What's on your mind? We here to help. In less than a month you're done with this program where too than. How will you adapt to the real world. Seems as you've gone back to how you were when you got here." Her mouth moves but I'm not hearing. As I felt a lonely tear drop falling down my face. As the tears start to just fall.

She got up from her chair and came over as she bend on her knees in front of me. Staring in her eyes, as she took me into her arms, embracing me as my head went to lie on her shoulder. I was crying louder by this time when she had her fingers through my hair. It felt both good but also it felt weird in a caring way. She's the first woman too have this close after months or a year.

I just want to be okay. To feel whole. To be me. The girl I know I can be, to have a smile, to have glow, to have happiness whether alone or with someone.

"It’s going to be okay, I won't force you to speak. Just want you to get better and to enjoy your life, Cali." She says.

I slowly lift my head from her shoulders and take the box of tissues that's always near my chair to clean my face with it. I couldn't look at her.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"Don't be. Its good to cry." That's how that session went.

She did ask me if I want to see Faith or if I want to see my half sister. I never got back to Kai after the few messages she's left with Faith. I thought it was time to actually tell her where I am.

Yet deep down I want to get out of this place. Out in the world and feel new once again.

It’s hard when you listen to certain songs that make you think of that one girl that you knew you loved. Your soul mate, the one that's you're Song. The one you had all these with. Falling in love, moving in together and ask her to marry you.

You know that feeling when your heart start to race, your pulse is pulsating and your stomach is twirling and whirling. It just hit me that I've probably lost the only woman I've ever truly loved. Not any of the other would be her. Like the song," As good as I was to you, that you'll never find anyone or she would never be me". I've put Leah through hell and back. She never once gave up on me, but I gave up on her, on what we could’ve been.

Its years too late now. Dr. Walker is right I should let it go. I should stop thinking about what has been or could have been. Its time to live in this world not in my subconscious.

It’s always when you loose the one you're meant to be with that it sneaks up on you when you see the girl you love being happy with another. Seeing someone you once thought were your universe, the one that completes you.

Remembering those early days of our relationship. The flutters, the eyes that never could take mine of yours, the kisses, the I love you's, the romance. The love making all those moments. I never forgot I just wish I could have been more honest. That I never cheated on you, betrayed the trust you've had in me. You weren't just my first you were my love of my life. Hearing you're voice would always send tingles through my body. There was so many wonderful memories we've shared together none of it will ever be forgotten. You're out there now loving someone or maybe still finding her. I wish it were me that could love you like you should. If only I was a better person. A better woman to show you how love can truly be inspiring. Over and over I have thrown away the chances you've given me. When it came to that last chance I was sure I was ready for us again, but we weren't.

It breaks my heart. To think where I ended up. In a rehab center for people with problems. I'm just glad you don't have to see me like this. Dr. Walker believes that I will get better and that soon I will live like a normal human being, but what happens if I fail you again.

"You won't." I heard that voice.

"Oh shit please not that voice again." I said to myself. This can't be happening not again.

Cali please calm down please.

"Through all the crazy years

I turned around and you were here

Sweeter than my wildest dreams

Yeah you showed me what true love means

And I knew nothing I could say or do

Would come close to thanking you for your love

And I could try for the rest of my life

But that wouldn't be half enough."

Chapter 8: The Aftermath

"I love you,” I whispered, and that was the moment I knew what I was going to do. When you loved someone, you put his or her needs before your own. No matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces."

When I let Leah go it wasn't because I didn't love her anymore, its because I didn't feel worthy of being with someone so amazing. She deserved better than what I could have given her. In some ways you all may look at me as a cheater, but truthfully its not that, yeah I feel the lowest of low. I feel degraded to call myself a lady due to how I've treated people.

Its just I have the tendency to push people I love away. I think mostly I've done it because I feel trapped inside myself, I felt also trapped being in a relationship. I never admitted it to any of the woman I've dated, but I've always had a phobia, being committed, being in love and hopefully that love won't fade out. I've always been scared of the last fact, love fading out, not feeling that way about someone like you once use to its really scary for when you've built your world around this person and later things doesn't go as you've plan it.

We can find ways to give up on love or we can find ways to make it worth the while. Still at the end you are left with choices. My lifestyle was different then. I was a different person then. It also made me ask myself this unnerving question, "Can I be faithful to one person". When someone raised this question a while ago. Partially I felt hurt just by the word faithful, because I know I can yet I still don't know what made me betray my ex girlfriend. I know it wasn't a game. But what if that happens to me one day. What if I meet someone again and fall in love? What would happen if this other woman would end up hurting me?

"There are no guarantees in love, Cali. You just have to take the risk." Yes I've been sitting in Dr. Walker's office for more than two hours now.

"That's the thing I don't want too. I don't want to feel that pain." I said.

"Put yourselves in those woman's shoes, do you think it wasn't painful to them. Let me tell you, I've been on the receiving end of getting hurt by my previous partner. We were in love; it’s the first time in my life where I stopped reasoning and fall. I fall so hard that it took my mother to help me through the toughest times of my teenage life. When I knew I was ready to enjoy my life again, that's when I met my husband. At first I wasn't giving it my all until one day I just couldn't hold my past hurt inside that I told him. Ever since we’ve been a part. That is when I realized that he was my soul mate." She said. I could see her eyes glistening.

"How do you know his your soul mate? Because I've had two and lost both." I tell her.

 "My heart knows." She says.

It’s that simple. A feeling a connection non-can compares.

I haven't told Dr. Walker that I've used the Internet in the library at the center. I just randomly went onto face book and reopen my account I've had for years now. On it I've scan on my friends list and came across two of my previous girlfriends names. I've stopped in to see what's been going on in their lives ever since we've departed. Its like I've never really ever existed in either of there lives. Its like we never even meant anything, like I never meant anything. That none of them ever called me beautiful, or said I love you or that I am there forever. As I sat there watching as there lives has moved on, they forgot I ever existed none of them ever thought too look me up or wondered where I've been. It cuts deep to think it’s all gone. Who I once was or what I meant to them.

Broken feeling swept over me as lonely tears start to fall down my cheeks. I could see my own shadow in the screen.

There was nothing left for me to go back, but too get out of this place and move on with my life.

I clicked on the drop down tab as I went into account, scrolled down and clicked "deactivated". If only I could de activate every memory, every thought of everything I once loved.

Chapter 7: The Aftermath

It’s that something, that one thing that we all would gladly want rid ourselves off. That one thing we can never forget, the love you had and the love you lost.

Its been a month since I have seen my half sister, I got hold of my mother and I was right my father had an affair right after I was born. So that leaves Kai six months younger then I am.

Sometimes we think our families our parents are perfect the fact that I was six months old when my dad had another daughter with some woman that attended one of his concerts.

You can't go back to how things were, or how you thought they were. All you really have is now.

We all carry our scars; we say words we regret, sometimes we weak, sometimes we strong. Words cuts like a knife, the words I've shared with people. Ugly hurtful words that I can never erase, never go back to fix them.

You know I thought if I keep my heart to myself to never let that wall break down I'd be secure.

Before I met them I wasn't like this, but I also didn't know what love were like either.

So it was both good and bad because at some point I had to remove the tough exterior and let myself fall.

"Cali so you've finally met your sister that must've been hard on you." She said.

"Doc, when I get out of here I want to be someone people can trust, someone they can depend on. I want love." I said.

She has been a great inspiration in my progress; I've opened up more. Faith and I are doing well.

"You will I'm sure you will, but don't rush embrace life, find that joy. Don't base your happiness on someone. You've seen where that lead you before." She says and she is right.

"I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to be that girl who enjoys life, the one that use to love hanging out with her friends. Just to be in control and let go of the sad blues. Doc look at me, I don't even look like the Cali I once were. The pains in my body it comes and goes. That I don't know where to start. The doctors certainly don't know. How can I go on if I look at the person in the mirror its not me at least not the me I knew before I ended up here." Words seem to be like water pouring from me.

I've been in my room for days because of the pain. I just can't rid myself of it even if I do it comes back when those memories flood back.

I heard a saying, "Better days will be here again." In some way that makes a lot of sense.

As the passing days move on and I start to scribble here and there creating notes all over my wall.

If I stand a distance away from it, it looks like a lot of cut out pieces to a puzzle. Well if you look at it, it kind of is. It’s my new inspiration for a new book. I might as well get enough writing done. Somewhere out there a person may feel this way, going through life as I'm doing now. Moving from one mistake to another, thinking they in control of life.

I thought I was in control. I was Cali Davis the girl who had it made with a father and mother that was in the public eye. The whole world knew of me, knew too much of me and what I do.

I never wanted it, fame it made me a person I don't like at all.

"Cali, as your therapist there's one thing you have to remind yourself, that people make mistakes. We all do at some point. What happened between you and that woman it happened you couldn’t change time. You work so hard on seeking absolution and answers to what happened. You wanted to protect them, but you're avoiding showing your hurt. There's so much pain you sitting within yourself." She says.

"I gather that, Doc."

"Do you? I see someone that's been guarding her own hurt and loneliness."

After that session I walked out there I just needed to be alone and I found a spot near an oak tree with my book and pen. I sat there for hours as thoughts whirl through my heart.

Why would I guard my loneliness when there were people who loved me? People that I actually loved being with.

It does not make sense.

"Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth."

This quote jumped at me. Self-esteem ever since my session, I try to find ways about myself, to see why I do or did the things I did. Where did I give up on my self for others?

Most case I think I believed that what I give would be what would make me a likable person. Wanting someone to be in my life without leaving, giving more of myself to him or her and losing the SELF of who I am.

"When you need to be loved, you take love wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill, and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your ability to re-create within yourself, the essence of loving experiences you have had in your life."

— Iyanla Vanzant

I've done this a lot in my life, I seeked lied and to hold onto people, a little white lie, living a life where I kept losing & losing myself. Losing what I was raised with, even though the house I grew up tend to sometimes lack love, I always received that love from my parents and its the only people do remember giving me love.

It all just a facade to hold up with being someone I wasn't. One truth that wasn't a lie or a game was the love I've had was real. It was love that I will probably never experience, but it’s also a love that teaches me to respect and to honour it. So if I do find it one day I won't be frighten or make it fall out my hands.

We live in a world where hearts can easily get broken. What you break another person can mend.

As I was busying myself to finally get up from my spot, as I turn to walk towards the building I saw a figure in the distance. I tried to squint my eyes in case I'm losing it seeing things.

As I'm walking this figure is also moving towards me. As we got nearer to each other. For a while it really looked like. I couldn't believe it; she had that beautiful smile on her face. That smile I couldn't get enough of, but while I closed my eyes and open it backs up. The person I thought I saw wasn't there, but a lady dressed in white uniform.

"Miss Davis, I was told to come look for you." She said. For a while I thought she was someone else, someone I use to know, someone I use to love. I miss her so much.

"Miss did you hear me." She asked.

"Yes. Yes I did." I followed her back to the cafeteria inside it was warmer.

I'm getting use to this place. Four months went by still I haven't received any visitors other then the staff who was on duty when I was admitted to the hospital. Also the fact the person who found me never showed up either.

Looking at all these people. Some with way worse cases then mine. Friends of mine use to say; there is always someone worse of as us. Which is true? I've learnt that over the months to never take people for granted, because once they walk out your life. There is no turning back. And that I have come to learn the hard way.

Chapter 6: The Aftermath

"So you actually spoke to her and saw her, what is she like." I was on the phone with Faith.

"She's very nice, she's got a lot of you in her. I was amazed at the familiarity."

"Does she know about me? Have you told her why?" I was nervous I didn't want to freak the girl out.

"No, I think that's for you to do. I'm just glad to have helped you on this. Do you want her numbers." How do I do this, I'm in this "retreat" which I can't just leave.

"I don't know, I'm still in this place, I can't ask her to just show up here." I started to panic.

"Cali calm down first talk to Dr. Walker, she'll understand you know. Maybe she could arrange for you to get out a few hours." She's making sense, but still how am I going to get there.

"I'll talk with her. I still need someone to take me to where I'll meet her, do you think its possible only if you available that is."

"Sure Cali I'll love to go. Here's her number." I scribbled the number down on a pad attached to the phone booth.

That was something I'm surely going to be nervous about, but I'd like to meet her, to know. You would think I should be mad at this newfound of a sibling. The fact either one of my parents cheated on each other. But I've not seen them for over three years. We not that close I guess the disappointment of not following in their footstep.

Knock. Knock.

"Come on in." She called out.

"Hey do you have time." She smiled and showed me in.

"Sure, what's wrong."

"Nothing I just want to know if I could get some time out of jail." She smiled. Damn those eyes.

"Yes and Cali we've talked about calling it a jail. This is a place of recovery. Do have someone to take you."

"So you not going to ask me where I'm going. I mean who says I'll come back."

"It’s your privacy Cali and I trust you. So when do you want your pass."

"I still have to call her, but once I know exact date I'll let you know. And thanks." That was easy. Now the hard part comes actually making the call.

Ring, ring, and gosh pick up already.

"Hello." I hear a voice. It wasn't a girl’s voice.

"Uhm." Gosh Cali nervous much.

"Hey I'm Cali Davis, is there a Kai Woods perhaps."

"Yes, hold on." I heard him shouting babe there a chick for you on the phone.

Then I heard footsteps and a voice.

"Hello, Kai speaking." She says.

"Hi Kai this is Cali Davis, this isn't how I want to tell you why I'm calling but I'd like to know if you could meet me today for coffee. There's a little coffee place on fifth street do you think you can meet me." I know this is a bit stalkerish but I can't tell this girl over the phone hey you my sister.

"Yeah this kind of out the blue but I can meet you there say in a hour or so."

"That is great thanks."

"No thank you."

We said our goodbyes and I instantly called Faith she said she’d pick me up. I got Dr. Walker in the hall and I was set. Went back to my room took a quick shower and was already waiting on my friend to pick me up.

Watching as Faith pulls up near the curb, it’s been so long since I've seen her.

"Wow so nice to see you." And went for a hug, she hugged me back and it was like magic the nervousness was gone.

"So you didn't tell her."

"Nope, I thought it be better doing it in person." I tell her. I strapped myself and she starts the car and off we went. Everything felt new like being outside for the first time, to smell air that's not actually fresh like at the center.

"So how is your progress coming along." She asked.

"It’s getting somewhere, just three more months then I'm out of there. Thanks for talking me into going there." My face turned towards the open window as we drive pass buildings I've not seen in over five months.

"I'm glad you went, Dr. Walker is really amazing I've known her for quite awhile. She's been doing good work at the center I use to work at." She says, her hands turn the steering wheel just as we come to a stop. This is it. I'm here.

"This is it." I say.

"Cali it’s going to be okay. Don't worry. I'll wait out here."

"No I want you with me I'm not doing this alone." she got out with me. As we walk up the path to the coffee shop, Faith point her finger towards a brunette sitting at a corner table looking a bit nervous, I guess its time to face it.

As I stood there astounded at the expression on her face as a smile was tugged at the corner of her lips, she got up as she showed me in her direction. First I thought do I know, did we once upon a time hanged out, but then I saw the book laying on the side of the table.

I moved at a slow pace towards the girl as she came with both arms and hugs me.

She pulls away and said, "I can't believe its you, Cali Davis." I smiled because I'm nervous and I don't know how she knew it’s me she has to see.

She's not seen me.

"I am a big fan of yours, I can't believe you here today of all places. Wait a minute didn't I talk with an Cali Davis today." She says.

She seems sad in her voice. Do I give her the proper introduction? I think I've gone off by blocking her chattering when I catch the last part, " so you back in town." She says.

"Ahh, I need to speak with you please. Can we have a seat and get to why I am here."

"Sure why not go ahead." She says.

"Kai yes I am Cali and yes I called you, but I'm not here because you a big fan, I am here because I have found some news awhile back and sorry it took me so long, but you are my sister. Were sisters, I suppose one of my parents had part in your creation."

She looks at me and back at the book.

"So you here because you wanted to tell me this. You could have said something on the phone why didn't you." She says.

"I was afraid you might not like to hear it that way."

"My mother told me my father died. All I know his name is Ross." She said.

"Ross Davis is his full name and he is much alive. Well his alive I just haven't seen him in years. My friend Faith had someone looking for any relatives she didn't know if I had or not until she told me she met up with you. I had to see for myself and she's right. We do have the same features." I tell her.

"This can't be real are you kidding with me." I told her no and called Faith over that had just finished a call and doesn't seem too look like she's in any mood for anything, she has this expression on her face that I can't read, first thing I asked was.

"Is it time to go." She nods her head. This wasn't even long; I haven't even gotten any other information from or about my half sibling.

"This was unexpected, Cali but we have to leave now." She says.

I turn to face Kai who was still sitting there without saying a word. I took a napkin and scribbled on it the telephone number and my home address.

"Use it in three months." She looked at me confuse.

"We have lots to talk but I have your contact number and hopefully we can get to know each other more." She got up and I hugged her we both greeted her and we were out, but just before I was out the coffee shop I turned around and that same smile I was always complimented on was spread on her face like I have seen my twin.

By Styxx

Fallen

A Poem by Styxx

for Fallen Wings

How can you comfort someone all alone

How can you tell them that all will be fine

Just want to hold close those who’ve been left prone

By those cherished whose lives they did define

Life is not over just taking a turn

Lose not your hope, in your mind they are seared

Cherished in your heart a tribute will burn

They guide your pen, let it be revered

Continue onward be strong persevere

When you feel lost know that you have allies

When you feel blinded by all of the tears

We are your aid, hold you up, and arise!

Though times seem bleak don’t embrace misery

Life must go on each day a victory

© 2011 Styxx

I want to share this poem on my blog it wasn't written by me. But it was written for me on another site, Writers.org. He was kind enough to give me authority to share this here but all credit goes to Styxx.
You can find his work here link: Styxx .

What Is Love

What is Love?

What is love?

Do we know it?

Do we feel it?

Are we just buying into the hype of it?

Living in our fantasies about love.

Falling in love being swept off,

By the person.

Is it their humorist?

Is it their eyes?

The color of there skin,

The connection between two souls.

What is love?

Can you tell me because?

I certainly thought

Love was two souls coming

Together binding as one.

Falling in love, the deep affection

You carry for them.

Tell me do you know love?

Where does it reside.

Does it sit in your stomach?

Does your heart skip a beat?

Does the person you love

Make you feel like you are complete.

Can one person be the one?

Can someone set your heart free?

If people are truly, madly, deeply

In love with each other,

They will find away.

Would they I'd like to know?

I don't pretend to know

What love is for everyone?

But I can tell what it is for me.

"Love is knowing all about someone,

And still wanting to be with

Them more than any other person,

Love is trusting them enough

To tell them everything about yourself,

Including the things you

Might be ashamed of,

Love is feeling comfortable

And safe with someone,

 But still getting weak knees

 When they walk into a room

 and smile at you."

So what is love to you?

Because it all differs from

Person to person.

But to me love is something

I have to feel, I have to learn

To love myself,

Before all those other things

Can fall into place.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved

This is my entry for BlueBell Short Story Slam #8

I started writing this poem two nights ago, as i start to ask myself what is love? Is it real are we just going along by the hype of this world as we read romance novels and such.
I have been finding it hard to love myself, to accept myself for who I am, as a person.
There is a saying we should love ourselves first before we can love another, but what if you get rejected by someone, being hurt left broken to pick up the pieces.
I know God loves me, and I know I love God, but why cant I feel that love for me as well. Dealing with depression and always feeling lost and alone as tears come streaming down.
Last night I cried myself to sleep.....It's how my life has become crying in the wee hours wanting to know what is wrong with me. What is lost within me that I cant be loved in return.

Angel of Death

Angel of Death

She strikes only when the darkness needs to be prevailing.

She is the chosen one,

The blood of the lion flows through her veins.

His strength beats in her heart,

His spirit resides within her.

Deep within her subconscious

She’s crying out for salvation.

There is no salvation without suffering.

She’s not like the other angels,

She’s unique in her own way.

She has a specific purpose.

They say death draw nears

Your life flashes pass your eyes.

Your job is to take these memories

And store them within your sythe.

Even though you cant determine

The person’s death.

You job is to guide the soul to the next realm.

It’s like hearing the beating of her wings

As she sets her sights on her quest.

Do not be scared because she’s here

To bring the dying to there final destination.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.

Picnic Poetry Week #3, Free Verse Week!!

Don’t Pull Your Love Away

It’s like having all the pieces fitted

In the palm of your hands,

The long awaited urges

You encouraged yourself

To the grown that it would never happen.

You watch the person you surely

Without any doubt know

Is the one for you?

But you can’t have it all.

You can never seem to get to the happy ever after.

Your unbroken heart that you have healed over

The years, filling that empty spot

They once held in your heart.

You kept that place for them

That hopefully one day

You will mature enough

To say, “I Love You”

But you never thought about the effect

That love would have upon that person.

What would they do?

Would they accept or would they run.

You told yourself you wont run anymore.

But deep down you never expect them

To do it.

Don’t pull your love away from me.

I guess I never should have said anything.

I shouldn’t have open my mouth

And take my feelings with me to my grave.

But my heart wanted to let it out.

At least now I know where I stand.

That the love, the connection

We once shared aren’t available anymore.

There was too much pain between us.

To many memories filled with anger.

How could I expect that you would still love me?

At least I always thought that if one day

I get to see you again.

Il hold onto you and never let go,

But this time it’s the other way around.

Its time for me to close that door completely.

And braise myself for one day

Having you as my best friend again.

If I can’t have you, Il rather have you as my friend.

© Chimnese Davids, All rights reserved.

The Lyrics

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

I found this song and it accompanied me just to think long an dhard about love, sometimes we love someone, but sometimes that love just aint enough for them to be with you.

I hope you all enjoy the song its definitely a deep one.