Good Friday & Spiritual Pregnancy

I've been going through some changes both emotional and spiritual. I feel like God is loosening me from the things of the world and taking me on a journey.

This is how I envision this.
I'm the little girl standing there while all the lost and grief was happening. And here Jesus comes and he's taking me by my little hand. Almost like saying, 'child don't fear, don't be frighten, I'll lead you through it.' And I abide by his words as he's taking me through the planes of life. Holding tight to his hand as we carry on walking. While we walking I am growing physically in the form of a young woman.

I spoke to my friend about this seeing as she's got more intuition with the spiritual realm. I learn so much from her. She said its a spiritual pregnancy that I'm going through that God is birthing new things in my life.

Yesterday was Good Friday and I sat in the first pew. Just opposite the alter and the cross of Jesus crucifixion was up. I looked at it stared at it and thoughts ran through my mind later on I start to see visions of how he died, how he felt. The suffering, the pain, the darkness that swept over him. I am not saying He was in the darkness, but the setting I've been seeing in front my very eyes. Here's the man who was born through a human being he lived among us on earth. It starts to hit me even Jesus was an illegitimate child, unwanted by his earthly father.

Then he grew up attended school like an ordinary boy, until he was much older he became an carpenter the trade of his earthly father.

Until God called unto him to take his rightful path as the king of all. God loved us to send his only begotten son to save our souls.

Now this is what I was seeing. I saw Jesus as he was the purest,softest man in human form. He was gentle and always willing.

Then it came to the people of this world mocking him and calling him a fake.

Good Friday has so many sacredness, the crucifixion is for all people no matter what religion we are.
It's about our daily lives with people, betrayal, liars, judgment, forgiveness. The preacher says to forgive ourselves.
And then it took me to my own life as it played out in my mind, the things I've done to people I claimed to have loved.

I think I didn't forgive myself I didn't know how, but I'm going too.

Then I ask myself, Jesus died for my sins for all of us. He's innocent yet he took our crosses that we carry and he took it upon myself.

Yesterday when all the parishes walked up to the cross, it hit me that this is one church how many others all over the world hasn't walked up to that cross today. It's a lot its like a billion of people who's broken, torn, and suffering. Here is a man who's carrying so many's pain on his shoulders.
Then he says, come to me your weary souls and lay it on my shoulders'.

I mean his amazing right.

Here he is suffering, dying and he says, if its your will my father.

Jesus is so obedient, his patient. Even until that last hour as the entire country of Galgatta was covered with dark clouds on that cross he completely had trust in his father. He believed in God on his last few minutes as he died.

The son of the most powerful, supernatural God died. He died for me and he died for you.

Imagine you've been brutally beaten by the kings soldiers, then to make you even more shameful they let you walk with this heavy cross on your back.
Then put a thorn crown around your head as blood comes from your fore skin.
What about the fact a spier was stuck through your left side hip. Imagine the suffering, the pain and the torment.
He didn't show any weakness, Jesus believed in his heart in what is the truth. He believed until the end.

To walk to the mountain where you are being captured and treated like a criminal.
Being put up that cross as they nailed nails into his palm of his hands and feet with only a piece of cloth to cover up his body parts. What utter torment.

As I'm writing this goosebumps is coming through my skin.

The symbolic of the crucifixion.
The cross- our crosses he bares
The death- cleansing of our sins.

The death of Jesus is symbolic to all nations.

And then after he died in this manner they buried him in the tomb.

But before all this what did Mary felt at that point watching her son being killed in front her own eyes.

a friend of mine lost her son to death 40 days ago. I can vicariously imagine how Mary felt through my friend. The pain they bare, the missing, the fact that you never going to hear your childs voice. Never see him smile, never hear him calling you mom. All those things that mothers feel when they lose a child so unexpectedly.

Yet there's other people in this world like another friend I once knew, that has evil inside of her breaking up friendships that was once strong. Why do we break each other down there's enough pain and suffering in this world to still be hurting each other.

Over the last few days I've said goodbye to a friend because of evilness that swept her pure heart into a dark cloud. I find it strange how we as people can let others influence us. how we let someone change us into someone that we won't be admired for.
I will pray for this friend I've lost. And hopefully one day she will be herself.

In a vision my grandmother who's passed away 11 years ago came to me in a vision in church and said I should let this friend go. She said let her go, one day she will come back.

I respect the death and I truly believe what my grandmother asked of me should be done.

Just like Jesus believed in his Father.

It was four days later a woman came to Jesus tomb and found it empty.
That moment the angel appears and said he has risen. That Jesus is alive.

With God everything happens in four days. He's never late his always on time.
This is my experience I've encountered with the holy spirit. The anointed one.

I've laid my hand flat on my stomach as I felt something move within me. I mean I am single haven't been with anyone. And the thoughts of something moving inside me I could even feel the pain inside.

It’s interesting how God gives His prophets different angles on a thing and at times they seem almost to contradict one another, but in the end you can see how it all fits together.

It brought remembrance about Mary, the human mother of Jesus, and a Messianic prophecy she received that changed her life. And there’s a lesson in it for us all in this year of new beginnings.

You’ll remember when the angel Gabriel, often seen delivering messages to God’s people, found Mary in Nazareth. Gabriel told Mary she was highly favored of the Lord, and blessed among women. Then Gabriel delivered his prophetic message: “You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus” (Luke 1:31 ). Mary was perplexed and asked the angel how it was possible, seeing as she was a virgin."

Then Gabriel answered Mary. “The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God” (Luke 1: 35)

“Mary responded, ‘I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true’” (Luke 1:38 ). Mary displayed willingness and obedience to allow the Lord to use her however He chose. I don’t believe He would have used her if she had not been willing and obedient.

God will not violate our own will. That’s why, knowing that God chose me to be going through the pregnancy, it wasn’t so much about getting revelation on exactly what I was birthing. It was about lining up my will with God’s will in the matter.

With what I am dealing with at this moment in my life the birthing is God's way of helping me and showing me how to go about dealing with my fears. It forces you to get more disciplined, it challenges you to go deeper in God to find the grace you need to meet with the spiritual stretching you will no doubt experience.

Indeed birthing new things demands many adjustments. This is the reason the answers that's being clarified why certain people has been removed from my life. I didn't understand it until right this minute when I am actually writing and re-reading this piece. I couldn't understand for the life of me why this all happened I've been asking God even cried to him why he took away someone I've loved for so long. Here is why the birthing of something new is about to come. I've even resigned from writing websites because of free time I've needed here its all falling into place. Wow.

I believe God is birthing new things this year – and He needs people who are like Mary, willing and obedient to allow the Lord to do what He pleases for His glory. Notice I say for His glory. Mary gave birth to Jesus not for herself, but so the sin of the world could be taken away.

Whatever the Lord chooses to birth through us – a song, a book,– remember that it’s not about you. It’s about the people who need what you are carrying. You aren’t carrying the Savior of the world, but you may very well be carrying something that will save people a lot of pain, bring people greater understanding of God’s Word, or give people the hope of fulfilling their purpose and destiny in Christ. Isn’t it worth it?

(Oh yeah its so worth it. I always did ask God what's the purpose of you saving me all the time. Bringing me back to safety. The other day a car almost hit me by a few meters I think 2 or 3 not too sure. My eyes stared at the car and I wasn't at that moment sure to move. It took me a few seconds to get back inside my body and getting out the way. I've had many encounters and God in his humble heart always bring me to safety. I am sure he's purpose must be greatly important to him.)