What's Gone Is Gone

I needed to let out all of this and the only way I know how is to come on my blog and let it all out my system. Ever since my book presentation that took place finally after a long awaited and disapointments and eventually my book got launched, but that isn't why I am doing this or feeling like I am being transported back to my childhood and how my family had been discussing the underlying truth of this book.

The book wasn't about myself or my life, yet people see they can retrieve traces of the little girl I once was, and so it ended up about the inexplicable unseen father that wasn't a constant in my life and how he now regards that he had been attacked by my mother's friend who by the way doesn't know him or have met him until yesterday afternoon. Which she quoted from the book that she can relate to the book because she herself was a single parent and that my mother raised me on her own with help from her parents and my father was not around. That statement alone is completely true, my dad was not active in my life, the times I would see him was when he was drunk and i always thought perhaps he only had the courage to face me when he was in his drunken state.

Since very young my grandfather he was the man I called father and the only father figure I have had since I was a baby until my grandfather passed away I had no father figure and nobody replaced that role even though at this point my relationship with my biological father didn't exist it still doesn't because he's still a stranger to me and now he is trying to tell me I should ask my mother the truth. "What truth" why would my mother lie to me for 29 years and why for 29 years he was still not trying to build a relationship, he's trying now but I am all grown up and I don't need a father because my father is God. Who has never thrown me out his life or abandoned me and neglected me.

Sometimes I think parents are trying to use there children like they want to make the one bad against the other.
I am 29 and I have finally found my peace and asked forgiveness and letting the past of my father go with it.
Why now he wants to be the victim when I was the victim for the years till I was 21. After I turned 21 I completely cut myself off my father because he was never a  feature in my life so why would I want to put myself out and hurting myself.
Why can't him and his family just stay away from me and why drag me down each time.
That is what my title says, "What's gone is gone" leave it in the past where it belongs I have dealt with it.

This is me I am done with it. “Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You're done. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare...”
― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith