Cries For A Broken Halleluyah

Cries Beyond The Grave

Its been seven years ago but the memory is melted in your subconscious after everything that happened until that dreadful moment you didn’t expect your world to fall apart in a minute of a day.

Know person are ever prepared for it but it happened .The day started with the bickering and blaming as usual and you curled up in the corner of the room where you feel you can let go from all the animosity. Knowing that your world won’t ever be the same again. You didn’t know how to express what you feeling. You only a child but all the adults around you are so consumed of guilt of what may come.
As I was sitting their flashbacks of what’s happening seems to play itself out.
When the one person who could stop it, can’t live a finger are say a word. In my head I hear this song playing just the words of it, words that made all the sense at that moment.
“I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord, but you don’t care for music do you?
Well it goes like this: the 4th the 5th the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled King composing Halleluiah”

Word’s that burnt into my subconscious that made a song with all the right words.
De javu was streaming through your eyes like you see everything happening but there’s no way you could do something.
Walking down the corridor of the cold white and lavender floors I realised my life is about to change, why would he call us all here. Tears started to fill my eyes not wanting to accept what had happened an hour before we got there. I had chills down my spine it’s not the cold are that it’s winter, but the place where I found myself in.
The waiting room were bombarded by relatives, you see their faces but you don’t want to take it in but its real .It was as real as light is to day.

That same song came back in my head.
“Well your faith was strong but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof top. Her beauty and the moonlight over through.”

But this time the versus became more and the more I hear it the tears filled my eyes burning over my cheeks.

“She tied you to the kitchen chair.
She broke your throne and she cut you’re your hair and from the lips she drew the halleluiah.”

I was here before I remember the dream I had the night before.
“Well maybe I’ve been here before, I’ve seen this room before and the I’ve walked this floor.”

Waking up from that dream was maybe a mistake .If I kept my eyes close much longer, maybe things would’ve been so much different. Then I could’ve directed the dream into another direction and then I wouldn’t have to see her lying their.
Is her heart still beating, is there a tiny little breathe coming from her mouth and nose, is all the air pumped from within. Will I ever hear my name is what I’ve done wrong? What about all the stories of her childhood.
Silence filled the air, lights became brighter tears became more and more. You think that how come this all happening and you seemed to not be moving like everything is happening but you block the important part, that this was not a dream.

In the distance you could hear the chattering of voices and people seem to move closer towards you but you can’t move, your body is in shock the overwhelming of the night.

“It’s cold and it’s a broken halleluiah”

The versus came back, why does it keep coming back. The words are now more in your head even though I’ve never heard it before. Maybe it did play on the radio, I must’ve heard it the time she was their, and it came back to me I did hear it before she left , we listened to it, we sang to those exact words verse by verse , she knew that song so well.

In the distance I hear the song near the end of it, this time it was the last goodbye.
“But remember when I moved in you and the holy dove was moving too, and every breath you drew was halleluiah.
It’s not a cry you hear at night.
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light.
It’s a cold and it’s a broken halleluiah”

Back home the song remained in my thoughts but each passing day the words seem to fade in the distance.
The coldness, the chill, the tears all faded away, but the emptiness lived on.
After all the years that past.
The present were the cries of my broken halleluiah.


Copyright C Davids

AN: This was written in memory of my grandma, after I lost her in 2001. I wrote this a year later in 2003 @ the age of 19.